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Literature Text
For you, I’d do it all again—
Limp back in time to challenge fate.
My shame is nothing to your pain
That lies beyond that cursèd Gate.
The price of failure ran too deep
For you. I’d do it all again—
I’d take the judgment. I must reap
My shame; it’s nothing to your pain.
Your screams still haunt me to this day.
The price of failure ran too deep.
If only there was still a way,
I’d take the judgment I must reap.
Those ghastly cries of sacrifice,
Your screams, still haunt me to this day.
To save your soul, I’d pay the price,
If only there was still a way.
Your screams still haunt me. To this day,
My shame is nothing to your pain.
If only there was still a way—
For you, I’d do it all again.
Limp back in time to challenge fate.
My shame is nothing to your pain
That lies beyond that cursèd Gate.
The price of failure ran too deep
For you. I’d do it all again—
I’d take the judgment. I must reap
My shame; it’s nothing to your pain.
Your screams still haunt me to this day.
The price of failure ran too deep.
If only there was still a way,
I’d take the judgment I must reap.
Those ghastly cries of sacrifice,
Your screams, still haunt me to this day.
To save your soul, I’d pay the price,
If only there was still a way.
Your screams still haunt me. To this day,
My shame is nothing to your pain.
If only there was still a way—
For you, I’d do it all again.
Second draft! --> Lament for the Lost.
So, I'm not going to lie -- this is probably the hardest poem I've ever written. (That is probably due to the fact that I've never written a pantoum before...) Unlike much of my poetry, it didn't flow out of me. It had to methodically and patiently written, scrapped, rewritten, revisited... but, come it finally did, as an amateur artisan might carve a rough image out of stone.
I intended this to be a tribute to Edward Elric (from Fullmetal Alchemist), but great thing about literature & poetry is that they can speak to a hundred different readers in a thousand different ways. ^^
And, note the two words "rough" and "draft" in the title.
That means that I want to revise this.
So, how can you help? It's not that hard, just give a critique! Tell me what you liked and didn't like, what worked for you and what sounded like it just didn't belong... I may or may not use your suggestions, but I'd appreciate them all the same!
So, I'm not going to lie -- this is probably the hardest poem I've ever written. (That is probably due to the fact that I've never written a pantoum before...) Unlike much of my poetry, it didn't flow out of me. It had to methodically and patiently written, scrapped, rewritten, revisited... but, come it finally did, as an amateur artisan might carve a rough image out of stone.
I intended this to be a tribute to Edward Elric (from Fullmetal Alchemist), but great thing about literature & poetry is that they can speak to a hundred different readers in a thousand different ways. ^^
And, note the two words "rough" and "draft" in the title.
That means that I want to revise this.
So, how can you help? It's not that hard, just give a critique! Tell me what you liked and didn't like, what worked for you and what sounded like it just didn't belong... I may or may not use your suggestions, but I'd appreciate them all the same!
© 2008 - 2024 k-ee-ran
Comments1
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How did I miss this?! O.O T.T
*reads*
*reads*